How to share your faith, part II

Here we go-after many requests (just kidding, I've gotten no requests) here is part two of "How to Share Your Faith" 

1.) Be surly and unpleasant. Never smile. Instead of showing the inner happiness and peace that faith brings (if your faith doesn't bring you that, you may not have found the one true faith) Scowl and remind them how immoral the world is. When people don't like being around you because you are such a downer-lecture them on their own immorality and kick them a few times for good measure. This is a sure fire way to turn people off from your faith. After all, if faith made you an unpleasant prick, then they have every right to assume it'll make them one too.

2) Shove religion down their throats. Nuance and being subtle? Not for you my friend! Preach religion with violence and force. Be unable to talk about anything else. When someone questions your beliefs, unleash the wrath of God on them. Take your bible and throw it at them. Quote scripture like you are part nun/part fundamentialst preacher. Sure, scripture can be outdated (No, you personally are not the sole translator of scripture, and yes, even LDS scripture has been reevaluated-hence the 1978 revelation) but you know better. This is another good way to lose friends and alinenate people, but they are just hell bound sinners anyway.

3) Be Holier than Thou-Let's face it, you've recieved personal revelation from God that you are here to tell everyone that you are perfect. Sure, pointing out the flaws of everyone else could be part of step one, but it deserves it's own step. Being holier than thou is fun. If you see someone having a beer or going five miles over the speed limit, it's time to remind them that you've never struggled with addiction or broken any law. If someone's marriage fell apart because the other person was cheating, remind them that divorce of all kinds is gravely evil and you've been married for a long time because well, you are better then them. This is maybe the best way to share you faith. All of us hell bound sinners need a role model in this twisted world, and you my friend, are it.

This post is dedicated to the the amazing Ben Stein, who is known for many things-but wrote a wonderful book called "How to Ruin Your Life". It is in this tone that I share it. Hope I didn't pull a Nick Simmons and copy, but if I did-well, imitation is the most sincere form of flattery.